just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you bring me the toilet please
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
