just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
