even my farts smell like vagina
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
