do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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