We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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