Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
only if we run a train.
done.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
