Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
