i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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