id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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