He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
