a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize