I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
