As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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