I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
