My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
