Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
