But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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