opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
