My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
