I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
