it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
