I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
