My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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