dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Vodka?
Forever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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