Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
