I'm lost and stupid without you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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