....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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