U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
