Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
