i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
