Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
