i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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