so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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