Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
