So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
