I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She is in my trunk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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