I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize