Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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