We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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