You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she told me i tasted like america
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
