I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
