You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
