I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
