i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
