Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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