You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
