i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
