The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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