I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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