so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
