He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
