After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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