So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
