I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize