I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
