Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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