The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
