ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
