Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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