Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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