We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
love makes seman taste better
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
