it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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