Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found puke in my bra..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
