I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
