You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come