i think my tv is drunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"