atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.