There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.