She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You made out with two different species that night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.