I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
