so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption