I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
