Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
