ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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