Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
