I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize